Permanently Peevish: A strange anomaly courtesy of the M.O.D

Saturday, 11 February 2012

A strange anomaly courtesy of the M.O.D

There is an advertisement currently plaguing my telly box encouraging recruitment for the RAF. It shows a surveillance technician whom I believe to be someone who watches satellite displays or thermal imaging displays with the intention of discovering terrorist or insurgent activity. This guy is evidently in Afghanistan and he spots two insurgents setting up what he describes as rocket rails. He calls down an air strike. However before the airborne forces for good arrive the insurgents hop into their Nissan pick up and depart. The airstrike destroys the rocket launch system and the commentary declares that it was a good day with no casualties!
Pardon me!! Surely a good day would have been if the insurgents had been destoyed along with their armament? I'm certain that every single member of our armed services currently deployed in those unpleasant and dangerous parts of the world would agree with me. I can't abide this wishy washy attitude to warfare and it's also why these engagements last far longer than they need. The more of your enemy that you kill, the shorter the war lasts. And that is just a fact. It's why we are still having problems in Northern Ireland and why we are about to have more problems in the South Atlantic. But I'm bloody glad that we no longer have Tony Blair in the hot seat as I'm sure he'd hand the Falklands over to Argentina at the first sign of unrest. Speaking of the M.O.D. Why are we enjoying this current suite of recruitment poster ads? Especially considering that the Navy and Army are facing redundancies on an hitherto unknown scale.
Can there not be some kind of cross service recruitment? Surely it must be far less expensive to retrain someone with an existing service background to do almost anything in another military discipline than to start from scratch with a raw rookie? Or am I being particularly naive?

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Causes of Peevishness

These are the things which get up my nose in day to day life. OK they're maybe not serious in the grand scheme of things but they make me shout at the television, change channels and raise my blood pressure to dangerous levels. The first of these is Estuary English. Of course I know that people who speak this uneducated and lazy form of English cannot help it and I'm fine with them using it in their own homes etc, but why do they have to bring it into my home? They really should be banned from getting jobs in television (apart from cleaning jobs obvs)
The use of particular words annoys me too and the people who overuse these are often (but not always, speakers of estuary English). These include:- Amazing: Vastly overused and mostly completely inappropriately too. To me an 'amazing' thing is something that is so jaw dropping that there are simply no other words to describe it. It should certainly never be used to describe your friends, relatives, babies or holidays etc. And certainly not the prices of furniture in a DFS sale. There are millions of other words so get a dictionary or thesaurus. And if you're too lazy or stupid to do that then STAY OFF MY TELEVISION FFS. And don't write anything I'm likely to read either (on Facebook, Twitter, Radio Times etc).

Then come a couple of words and phrases which are completely unnecessary in any sentence: At the end of the day,Basically, Go for it and Do you know what I mean The last of these is perhaps the most irritating of them.
It also annoys me when anyone uses the word Delicious to describe anything other than a taste or smell. How can a colour or design possibly be delicious FFS?

And then we have: To Die For: I've been with people who were dying and I know that not one of them would have said that it was a price worth paying for a pair of shoes, plate of food or whatever fashionable colour. It's a stupid unthinking thing to say.

I don't understand the use of the word: Like in this kind of context - "I was like, she was like" and so on. I don't know what purpose it serves. I know it probably means that the perpetrator has spent too much time watching American television but is that any reason to inflict it on the rest of us?

Utterly maddening is the use of Floor: instead of ground. It's just laziness. Isn't it easy to tell whether you are inside or outside? Think before you speak goddammit!

Can I get I hear this all the time in shops and pubs and I think it's the height of rudeness so I assume it's American in origin. Of course anyone with any manners would say, "May I please have."

Trust me: The last thing I will ever do is trust the person who says "trust me".

Yeah: Obviously not when it is used as an affirmative but when it is used to end a sentence as in: do what I tell you, yeah? Or: Have a good day, yeah? And especially - You need to cheer up, yeah?..... No I fucking don't, you twat!

Poo: I've never understood what exactly is wrong with shit or crap. We all know what is meant and the word poo is just childish. There is also manure or dung for the animal variety. And if you simply must be polite you can always fall back on ordure or even excrement

Then we come to what I call unnecessary abreviations such as: Ciggie: This makes me cringe every time I hear it and Goss: Seemingly favoured by continuity announcers on the second rate television channels. And I quite often find that when "goss" is used, there is little or no real gossip involved in the publication or television programme concerned.

I hate the insidious way Americanisms are creeping into English usage. Such as: Gotten and Snuck and Dove. And there are many more that have snuck in so sneakily that we are hardly aware of them being Americanisms any more e.g. Campus which is something to do with a university or college. and Intern It used to refer to a junior level of hospital doctor in the U.S but it has become to mean some kind of unpaid employee.

Saturday, 11 February 2012

A strange anomaly courtesy of the M.O.D

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