Does this take the prize for the weirdest diet plan ever?

Pictured here is Jessica Schnaider who is getting married in July and thinks she needs to lose another 10 pounds to present a slimmer figure in her wedding dress. She has resorted to a new and extreme dieting plan in spite of having 2 clear months to achieve her goal by more conventional means, such as exercise or, god forbid, not eating so much!

The diet involves the ingestion of fat protein and water through a naso-gastric tube. The 800 calories drip fed in this way forces the body to live off it's own fat while satisfying the natural hunger.

The tube must be worn 24/7 for 10 days and it is allegedly possible to lose 20 pounds in this way, presumably before liver damage provides it's own drastic slimming solution by way of death.

Can someone please tell me why Jessica Schnaider is wearing her shades on top of her head in this pic. Does she think she can be incognito when she goes to her local supermarket? No you stupid woman, you are instantly recognisable because you have tubes up your nose!

This latest insanity is practiced by Dr Oliver Di Pietro (fee $1500) of Florida who admits that lack of energy, bad breath and constipation are just some of the side effects. These are not the only ones it seems as psychoanalysts have been quick to point out their concerns. Psychoanalyst Bethany Marshall of Beverly Hills explained, "If you lose the weight too quickly your mind is not going to be able to catch up with a newer, skinnier you."

Perhaps Bethany could put that into terms a layman might understand because I have this insane vision of skinny women being chased around supermarket carparks by detached lumps of grey matter.

I confess that I am unable to understand the reasoning behind wedding diets. Presumably the husbands-to-be fell in love with the chunkier versions of their inamoratas in the first place so the paring of rolls of fat cannot be for male attention. Or is it for the sake of the wedding photographs. But surely Photoshop would do the job at a fraction of the price? In fact I myself am currently writing an app which produces an effect similar to a concave mirror when applied to photos taken on your iphones.

The full story of this dieting madness can be read here