#scd A ball gag not a ball gown needed for first Strictly Come Dancing weekend

Vanessa Feltz was every bit as loud mouthed as I feared. And while we are having the gags made I really think that one for Brucie would be in order. His gags as annoying as ever. But apart from these minor irritations I thought that the opening show could have been far worse. And so to the performances and, more importantly, the betting market moves.

Natalie Gumede Deservedly maintaing her market leadership with a really vibrant Cha Cha.
Closed to a best price of 7/4 in several places

Abbey Clancy Frankly another candidate for a ball gag. Her Liverpool accent gets on my last nerve. 3 'amazings' counted in her VT and post dance interview which is 3 too many.
My opinion is obviously going to be irrelevant though as she produced a romantic waltz which seemed popular although it failed to get the hair on the nape of my neck to stand up. Best price 4/1 at William Hill and Ladbrokes

Susanna Reid I just cannot like Susanna, though her jive was fairly competent. It's a dance I'd rather see performed a bit later in the series. Best price now 13/2 Coral

Ashley Taylor-Dawson or ADT which may be some type of chromosome disorder as far as I know. Did a fair bit of groping Ola which got on my nerves as I'm sure it did James' Hopefully he'll mince off at some point to watch the birth of 'his' child.

Sophie Ellis-Bextor A boring waltz. And can I just point out to the Beeb that she is neither 'pop royalty', whatever that is nor indeed a 'pop princess' bearing in mind that you could count her current chart songs on the fingers of a rude gesture.
11/1 in several places

Rachel Riley A disappointment but I'm certain she will improve vastly. No doubt shyness to blame. She gushed at length about her partner's manly qulities which gives you pause.
12/1 all over the place

Patrick Robinson An energetic jive totally belying his age. I'm sure the market is making an error of judgement by pricing him at 18/1 in a couple of places. But maybe his popularity or lack of it will cost him before the end.

And so to the rags:

Ben Cohen Leaden and clumpy whatever he was doing. No interest at 40/1


Fiona Fullerton Expected better 40/1

Mark Benton Thoroughly enjoyable tango. I actually laughed out loud! And I thought it the best story telling of the night. Hope he stays in for a few weeks. 66/1

Dave Myers No I still don't like Hairy Bikers or celebrity chefs but Myers produced a legendary comedy Cha Cha that was worth watching again and again (though I won't, natch) 100/1

Julien Macdonald Another candidate for a ball gag. Appalling timing both in his dancing and annoying speech patterns. But it was funny watching the botox try to escape from his face. Absurdly at 100/1

Deborah Meaden I don't know why she is this far out. I thought she was very elegant. 150/1

I'd put Vanessa Feltz and Tony Jacklin somewher out at 1000/1. But you can get 300/1 on either of them if you're feeling foolish enough.

My own personal betting plan has gone out of the window; I just could not come up with a combo with any kind of decent profitability to make it worth the punt. 7/4 on Natalie is just too mean this early in the series.

Best laugh of the evening came with Bruno's comments about gay/straight for pay to Julien Macdonald which I suspect he ended just before the lawyers pressed the cut button.

Good start though and it has the hallmarks of an epic series.