#SCD Take your partners and place your bets for Strictly Come Dancing 2013

It's an interesting lineup this year - though I'm not sure it's such a great one. From the Beeb's audience ratings point of view there's no pointy-faced, badly shaved rat-like, skinny-jeaned boy band type to appeal to the ladies and gay crowd. And the one and only female singer, Sophie Ellis Bextor, while talented is so far from the current limelight as to be almost invisible. So where is the yoof appeal? Of course I don't care that much but we need Strictly to be strong in the ratings so as to continue until the crack of doom or until they run out of amusing and frightened volunteers - whichever comes sooner.

The Beeb may well find that has made a more disASStrous error than in the casting however. The show has received something of a makeover and not only in the studio department. Whereas much of the show's appeal has been on the basis of it being an antidote to the cynical pop machine of Simon Cowell's X-Factor, the opening sequence last night showed a cheap and nasty Pathe News imitation and a panto-like group of noisy fans outside the studio greeting their 'idols' The noise continued inside much to my horror.

Why does the Beeb treat it's audience as if we are idiots? OK we know it's not a live launch show - it should be but it isn't. So why the stupid bit of VT editing that purported to show Brucie doing a forward roll through a circus hoop?
Brucie is creaking at the joints even more this year - well he would be wouldn't he? His 'jokes' have more warning than a nuclear air raid and his use of a cue card even more apparent than usual.

Sadly we are missing a couple of the lovliest female pros - Flavia Cacace, who is absent for unspecified reasons, and Natalie Lowe, who has been sidelined due to injury. Also missing is Erin Boag probably due to old age and infirmity or her pub commitments - whatevs.

And so to the runners and riders in betting market order:

I think Natalie Gumede is very pretty, especially when she gets that great mane of hair under control. I am especially pleased to see her enjoying herself after the psycho bitch that was her Coronation Street character. I wonder if a parallel can be drawn between Corrie and Strictly audiences. Hmmmm! Partnered with the very popular male pro Artem Chigvintsev. Best current price 11/4 (fav) with Sky.

Ashley Taylor Dawson Who shall be referred to hereinafter as just Ashley or ATD. I've never heard of him but it seems he is in Hollyoaks and apparently used to be in a boy band called AllStars. Nope never heard of them either. Is this Strictly or Celebrity Big Brother? Partnered with Ola Jordan which gives him an almost unfair advantage. Commonly available at 4/1 (second fav)

Rachel Riley Whatever my feelings about the rest of the show, I'm soooo happy to see Rachel here. Can't wait to see her in tiny dancer's costumes and glittery fringes. She has gorgeous legs and a wonderful embonpoint topped with a truly beautiful smile all wrapped up in intelligence and wit. All in all she makes me forget my age and the effects of my blood pressure medication.
Partnered with Pasha Kovalev which is not a bad sign at all. Best price 6/1 at Ladbrokes

Susanna Reid I don't like her, not least because of the way she spells her name and see also my previous post. May have some stamina but age against her. Partnered with one of the new male pros Kevin Clifton. Best odds 7/1 Stan James.

Sophie Ellis-Bextor Talented pop star but getting on a bit and a bit out of the spotlight. May have some ability. Parnered with Brendan Cole who is not nearly as good as he thinks he is. Best price 10/1 generally.

Ben Cohen Who - I hear you ask. And you may well ask because he is clinically deaf apparently. A rugby player and teamed up with Kristina Rihanoff. Priced meanly at 12/1.

Patrick Robinson Seemingly a Casualty actor and means nothing to me. Partnered with new female pro Anya Garnis. 14/1

Abbey Clancy A modelling WAG. Very pretty if rather skinny. Slightly reminiscent of Liz Hurley and Patsy Kensit which is very good in my book. But then she opens her mouth and gives forth in a vile Liverpool accent. The It Takes Two sofa is going to be swamped in *AMAZINGS* to the extent where I will have to mute her interviews. Partnered with unknown quantity Aljaz Skorjanec. Priced at 16/1 which may seem generous at first glance but I think she will annoy the public with her skinny good looks.

Fiona Fullerton Aging Bond girl and so-called author. Too old to last the distance. Partnered with Anton du Beke which must have been a relief for him but not much opportunity. Out with the rags at 33/1

Julien Macdonald Extremely annoying fashion designer. Hope he's injured before he gets on the interview sofa. 40/1

Mark Benton Quite a good character and comedy actor, but not a dancer. 40/1

Dave Myers 'Celebrity chef' and Hairy Biker MEH! MEH! Partnered with Karen Hauer (what has she done?) 80/1 at Corals if you are clinically stupid.

Tony Jacklin Former golfer. First or second out Partnered with Aliona Vilani so it will be a race to see whether he is voted out by default or she gets an 'injury' 100/1

Deborah Meaden Will have interesting opinions and backchat but I'm fed up with Brucie's 'I'm out' jokes already before he's even made one. Extremely generous at 100/1

Vanessa Feltz Known to me as La Feltz. No chance and can't go quick enough for me. Mouthy and annoying. Partnered with James Jordan who must have annoyed the Strictly production staff in some way. 200/1

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Disappointingly I have to say that my own betting strategy has already been frustrated by the early moves to make Natalie the favourite. I would have dutched the top three together but the prices are now too close to give a reasonable return on stakes. I need either Natalie or one of the other two to ease by a couple of points and I don't think that is going to happen. The only possibility now is to keep an eye on the social media stats and watch for an opportunity to open up.