Permanently Peevish: Is it me or is Noel Edmonds utterly stupid?

Sunday, 8 December 2013

Is it me or is Noel Edmonds utterly stupid?

Having a touch of my usual insommnia I have been sitting up with the TV on. At this hour the choice is limited to teleshopping, business news from Singapore on BBC1 news or the mixed fare on Channel 4. Currently showing is Deal or No Deal. In his introduction Edmonds made the ourageous claim that every show is different because every player plays a different way. No they don't you fuckwit, they just select boxes to open. There is no skill or variety to that. He followed that by asking a contestant of Chinese origin,
"What is a buffet restaurant?" Surely even he knows what a buffet is and also a restaurant? Therefore he must be able to add both together to obtain an answer without asking?
Incredibly he has just enquired of a girl on the panel of cheering idiots what kind of buses and lorries are made in Solihull.
Shish! I'd better go to bed before I throw the telly out of the window.

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Causes of Peevishness

These are the things which get up my nose in day to day life. OK they're maybe not serious in the grand scheme of things but they make me shout at the television, change channels and raise my blood pressure to dangerous levels. The first of these is Estuary English. Of course I know that people who speak this uneducated and lazy form of English cannot help it and I'm fine with them using it in their own homes etc, but why do they have to bring it into my home? They really should be banned from getting jobs in television (apart from cleaning jobs obvs)
The use of particular words annoys me too and the people who overuse these are often (but not always, speakers of estuary English). These include:- Amazing: Vastly overused and mostly completely inappropriately too. To me an 'amazing' thing is something that is so jaw dropping that there are simply no other words to describe it. It should certainly never be used to describe your friends, relatives, babies or holidays etc. And certainly not the prices of furniture in a DFS sale. There are millions of other words so get a dictionary or thesaurus. And if you're too lazy or stupid to do that then STAY OFF MY TELEVISION FFS. And don't write anything I'm likely to read either (on Facebook, Twitter, Radio Times etc).

Then come a couple of words and phrases which are completely unnecessary in any sentence: At the end of the day,Basically, Go for it and Do you know what I mean The last of these is perhaps the most irritating of them.
It also annoys me when anyone uses the word Delicious to describe anything other than a taste or smell. How can a colour or design possibly be delicious FFS?

And then we have: To Die For: I've been with people who were dying and I know that not one of them would have said that it was a price worth paying for a pair of shoes, plate of food or whatever fashionable colour. It's a stupid unthinking thing to say.

I don't understand the use of the word: Like in this kind of context - "I was like, she was like" and so on. I don't know what purpose it serves. I know it probably means that the perpetrator has spent too much time watching American television but is that any reason to inflict it on the rest of us?

Utterly maddening is the use of Floor: instead of ground. It's just laziness. Isn't it easy to tell whether you are inside or outside? Think before you speak goddammit!

Can I get I hear this all the time in shops and pubs and I think it's the height of rudeness so I assume it's American in origin. Of course anyone with any manners would say, "May I please have."

Trust me: The last thing I will ever do is trust the person who says "trust me".

Yeah: Obviously not when it is used as an affirmative but when it is used to end a sentence as in: do what I tell you, yeah? Or: Have a good day, yeah? And especially - You need to cheer up, yeah?..... No I fucking don't, you twat!

Poo: I've never understood what exactly is wrong with shit or crap. We all know what is meant and the word poo is just childish. There is also manure or dung for the animal variety. And if you simply must be polite you can always fall back on ordure or even excrement

Then we come to what I call unnecessary abreviations such as: Ciggie: This makes me cringe every time I hear it and Goss: Seemingly favoured by continuity announcers on the second rate television channels. And I quite often find that when "goss" is used, there is little or no real gossip involved in the publication or television programme concerned.

I hate the insidious way Americanisms are creeping into English usage. Such as: Gotten and Snuck and Dove. And there are many more that have snuck in so sneakily that we are hardly aware of them being Americanisms any more e.g. Campus which is something to do with a university or college. and Intern It used to refer to a junior level of hospital doctor in the U.S but it has become to mean some kind of unpaid employee.

Sunday, 8 December 2013

Is it me or is Noel Edmonds utterly stupid?

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