Permanently Peevish: I'm happy to admit that I don't like Jamie Oliver

Thursday, 12 July 2012

I'm happy to admit that I don't like Jamie Oliver

Like all other celebrity chefs he's so precious about food and cooking - wonderful cabbage, super sprouts and so on - for god's sake they're just vegetables. But Jamie in particular has such poor diction, bad grammar and limited vocabulary that he gets on my wick before he even cooks anything. If you can bear it, try counting the number of times he says "amazing" in half an hour.
So you can imagine that my interest in his wife Jools' revelations in the press this week that she checks his texts, emails and phone for signs of infidelity, has caused me little more than a snigger. And that only because I really cannot imagine Jamie being the cause of much lust in the female population as a whole.
It wasn't until the Mail Online published the names of his children that I sat up and took any interest whatsoever.
They are: Poppy Honey, Daisy Boo, Petal Blossom, and Buddy Bear. Aside from being extremely sorry for any children inflicted by names like these, I'm quite willing to bet that Jamie and Jools frequently talk to each other in babyish language too.
It occurs to me that couples who resort to such a means of communication with each other are trying, by a personal code, to demonstrate that they still have something in common with each other in spite of evidence to the contrary.
So maybe Jools really does have something to worry about. I'll be keeping an eye open for news of the inevitable break up.

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Causes of Peevishness

These are the things which get up my nose in day to day life. OK they're maybe not serious in the grand scheme of things but they make me shout at the television, change channels and raise my blood pressure to dangerous levels. The first of these is Estuary English. Of course I know that people who speak this uneducated and lazy form of English cannot help it and I'm fine with them using it in their own homes etc, but why do they have to bring it into my home? They really should be banned from getting jobs in television (apart from cleaning jobs obvs)
The use of particular words annoys me too and the people who overuse these are often (but not always, speakers of estuary English). These include:- Amazing: Vastly overused and mostly completely inappropriately too. To me an 'amazing' thing is something that is so jaw dropping that there are simply no other words to describe it. It should certainly never be used to describe your friends, relatives, babies or holidays etc. And certainly not the prices of furniture in a DFS sale. There are millions of other words so get a dictionary or thesaurus. And if you're too lazy or stupid to do that then STAY OFF MY TELEVISION FFS. And don't write anything I'm likely to read either (on Facebook, Twitter, Radio Times etc).

Then come a couple of words and phrases which are completely unnecessary in any sentence: At the end of the day,Basically, Go for it and Do you know what I mean The last of these is perhaps the most irritating of them.
It also annoys me when anyone uses the word Delicious to describe anything other than a taste or smell. How can a colour or design possibly be delicious FFS?

And then we have: To Die For: I've been with people who were dying and I know that not one of them would have said that it was a price worth paying for a pair of shoes, plate of food or whatever fashionable colour. It's a stupid unthinking thing to say.

I don't understand the use of the word: Like in this kind of context - "I was like, she was like" and so on. I don't know what purpose it serves. I know it probably means that the perpetrator has spent too much time watching American television but is that any reason to inflict it on the rest of us?

Utterly maddening is the use of Floor: instead of ground. It's just laziness. Isn't it easy to tell whether you are inside or outside? Think before you speak goddammit!

Can I get I hear this all the time in shops and pubs and I think it's the height of rudeness so I assume it's American in origin. Of course anyone with any manners would say, "May I please have."

Trust me: The last thing I will ever do is trust the person who says "trust me".

Yeah: Obviously not when it is used as an affirmative but when it is used to end a sentence as in: do what I tell you, yeah? Or: Have a good day, yeah? And especially - You need to cheer up, yeah?..... No I fucking don't, you twat!

Poo: I've never understood what exactly is wrong with shit or crap. We all know what is meant and the word poo is just childish. There is also manure or dung for the animal variety. And if you simply must be polite you can always fall back on ordure or even excrement

Then we come to what I call unnecessary abreviations such as: Ciggie: This makes me cringe every time I hear it and Goss: Seemingly favoured by continuity announcers on the second rate television channels. And I quite often find that when "goss" is used, there is little or no real gossip involved in the publication or television programme concerned.

I hate the insidious way Americanisms are creeping into English usage. Such as: Gotten and Snuck and Dove. And there are many more that have snuck in so sneakily that we are hardly aware of them being Americanisms any more e.g. Campus which is something to do with a university or college. and Intern It used to refer to a junior level of hospital doctor in the U.S but it has become to mean some kind of unpaid employee.

Thursday, 12 July 2012

I'm happy to admit that I don't like Jamie Oliver

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