I thought the return of the dance off might cure Strictly Come Dancing's injustices

But no. For the second week Colin Salmon landed in the dance off and, because he was plainly nervous, he delivered a rather shaky performance and was not saved by the judges. But he really should not have been there in the first place.

Colin always delivered a graceful dance which told a story which is more than can truthfully be said of Fern Britton. Her dances seem more or less the same every week and consist mainly of contrived ways for her to waft her skirts about and reveal unseemly amounts of lumpy thigh in the process.

This week she did a floor slide on her bottom which, naturally, tugged her skirt up. I was surprised that it was not accompanied by squeaking sounds as her cellulite polished the dance floor.

Nicky Byrne did a rumba which was so devoid of chemistry that it would have made John Major and Eggwina Curry look like a charismatic couple by comparison. And the top half of his costume resembled a glittery cardigan adding to my concerns that the BBC may have outscourced the costume design to somewhere out by the Commercial Rd. He continues to dance in his favoured stompy boy band style too.

So my bottom two would have been Nicky Byrne and Fern Britton. Although I cannot argue honestly in favour of Richard Arnold as he always dances with the bulging eyes of a cod that has swallowed an electrified hook.

The musical interlude was provided by a boy band called The Wanted although by whom remains a mystery, and Andrea Bocelli who must have been just as mystified by the clapping which interspersed a concurrent dance by Vinthent and Karen Hauer. I don't know why the BBC don't save a few bob by just giving a spot to the inestimable Dave Arch band. I'm sure that would be just as acceptable to the viewing public.

As far as the betting is concerned, with the exception of Louis Smith for whom nothing better than 5/4 is now available, little has altered with Kimberley Walsh and Denise van Outen hovering around the 3/1 and 4/1 marks respectively.

And on the subject of betting, I did find something rather amusing. I was idly trawling through the archived pages of a Strictly based forum when I found a post from a member saying that he had regular access to the public's voting figures
and he went on to offer 50/1 about Chelsee Healey winning. I was stunned to see that a couple of his fellow forumites were attracted by his offer and wanted to know how he could be contacted so that they could make a formal wager with him. It just shows that you cannot lose money by underestimating the intelligence of the betting public.