I think #Twitter has an agenda. The trending Edward Woodward topic has a subheading........

I'm the first to admit I know sweet bugger all about football but I can spot an agenda when I see one.
One of the current Twiiter trending topics in the UK is about somebody called Edward Woodward (I thought he was an actor but it seems someone with the same name has something to do with Manchester United). The subheading to the topic is that the previously mentioned Edward Woodward blames Brexit for the team's falling revenues.
Well I've looked at about 100 of the "Latest" tweets and of those I could only find a couple which mention Brexit within the same 140 characters and even those were sarcastic tweets.
So why was that topic labelled as having anything to do with Brexit? Because Twitter itself must be against Brexit - that's why.
So Twitter I must tell you that the political policies of this country is nothing whatever to do with you.

The fine line between respect and rudeness #EmergencyBikers

There I was innocently watching Emergency Bikers. Why, you ask? Well for the simple reason that there is bugger all else to watch at 8 o'clock on the main channels on a Wednesday night. As usual the childish language of the para med bikers was making me peevish. Particularly their insistence on using 'pop' instead of take or put. As in; "I'm just going to pop a bandage on your arm and then pop you down the hospital"

I consider it very childish and utterly unnecessary as neither the use of take nor put needs any extra effort. Using it makes these paramedics sound as if they are treating their patients like children when they are at their most vulnerable.

Anyway I eventually got so peevish that I simply had to tweet about it using the hash tag #EmergencyBikers. Not with the intention of eliciting a response from the producers but simply to make a point. My tweet went like this:

There we go AGAIN! Just going to *pop* a bandage on your head. PUT, its PUT you morons! #EmergencyBikers

Okay so morons was a bit strong but I was extremely dismayed at the frequent use of 'pop'
Some hours later I found that I had a reply which went like this:

Think you should show a little more respect.

from somebody called Flymo and whom I now realise is one of the bikers featured on the show.
Well for his information, respect is something that people earn and do not NECESSARILY command it simply by the nature of their chosen profession. For example I respect the law but NOT necessariy individual policemen. They earn respect by their conduct.
What annoys me about the emergency bikers (and many others in the health professions) is the way they talk down to patients who are very vulnerable and may be unable or unwilling to complain about their treatment.

Of course it is not just the use of childish words as I've always been disturbed about the insistence on using first names. Again for the information of Flymo; a person's first name is for the use of intimate friends and relations. It's totally disrespectful to assume that because someone has fallen off their bicycle that they wish to be called by their first name.
The conversation should therefore go like this:
Biker: My name is Mark Flymo. What is yours?
Victim: John Smith.
Biker: Ok Mr Smith, I'm going to put a bandage on your head and then take you down to the hospital for a check up.

There isn't that easy and full of caring respect. Anything else is plain rudeness.

The "Downing Street Affair" reported by the Daily Mail......

....may well turn out to be another of this increasingly fatuous newspaper's attempts to create a "story" out of nothing and to blur even further the line between "in the public interest" and "of interest to the public" A touch of Post Levesonitis perhaps?
In a blatant attempt to stoke up the fires of prurient interest the Mail goes on to say that:
 Mr Cameron was "stunned" when told of the identities of the middle aged lovers.
And that:
The affair has now concluded
But that:
He immediately realised the importance of the story.
And we're also told incidentally that:
Neither party currently serves in the Cabinet.
Quite how any of that is set to:
Rock No 10 to its foundations
Or indeed:
"Blow out of the water" some major political set pieces.
is a mystery known only to the Daily Mail and the judge who signed the super injunction.

I find myself asking why "Turkey" and "Christmas" are currently trending on Twitter *innocent face*

Katherine Jenkins loses her kit in airport

Well the truth is that the lovely Katherine's luggage containing her running kit for the London Marathon was mislaid by Lufthansa at Hamburg Airport. I slightly misled with the headline because, like most of the male population of this country, I would love to see Katherine perform without her kit.

Judging by the Twitter reaction to her plight, there seems to be a number of people who suspect that it is some kind of publicity stunt. La jenkins is running in aid of the Marie Curie charity so as far as I'm concerned any publicity that might benefit that charity is good publicity.

Anyway it is a good excuse, as if I needed any, to show a lovely picture of Katherine and write a funny headline to boot.

Lewis Hamilton in a slight Twitter slip up

It's perhaps understandable given the intense media pressure that the young driver has been under during the last few weeks.

Apparently a particularly stupid member of the press told Lewis that Jenson Button had unfollowed him on Twitter. Without knowing that Jenson had never followed him in the first place, he obviously looked on his list of followers to find JB conspicuous by his absence.

Unfortunately Lewis then, unwisely, took to Twitter to express his dismay. And of course as always happens in these situations, it then transpired that JB had never followed him in the first place which is the element of the story that I find strangest. Admittedly Lewis' tweets are full of rather banal platitudes which can be quite mind numbingly boring but that is really no reason not to follow your supposed friend and colleague. Especially considering that Button's tweets consist mainly of his cycling exploits and plugs for his girlfriend's exercise regimes.

Poor old Lewis has subsequently come in for a lot of undeserved stick from the press and the twittersphere while he attempts to extract his foot from his mouth. I'm sure he is looking forward to the time when he can park his backside in the seat of his new Mercedes AMG formula one car and get on with what he is best at.

Incidents like the #EssexLion bring out the best in Twitter

I've been laughing at all the suggestions on Twitter that the cast of The Only Way Is Essex should be used as bait to help recapture the animal.
And of course the Tweets saying that it's really only a snow leopard with a fake tan and hair extensions.
Other amusing Tweets:

Dear Police Marksmen, Orange faces, extensions, pouting lips and long eyelashes is not always the #essexlion THINK BEFORE YOU SHOOT!

This is getting interesting. The Essex Lion has just taken refuge in the Ecuadorian embassy #essexlion

#EssexLion will be several shades darker than most lions, French manicured claws and a taste for WKD

The temptation for the residents of Essex to sing the lion sleeps tonight is only a whim away. #essexlion

Text from Prince Harry "You know that lion I won in Vegas,well..........."#essexlion

There was also an assumption that, because the police have set up road blocks the lion must be driving a Ford Escort.

The Mail Online has also (unusually) been amusing me. It reported a supposed witness who said:

I was in my car as I had just gone to get some petrol when I saw it in the field next to the road. It was ambling laconically along by the lake in the field, like it didn’t have a care in the world.

I love the use of the adverb laconically to describe something you might do by a lake and the (presumably) unintentional alliteration.
And this in the comments section:

As an Essex resident, I am offended by the constant inferences that people from Essex are shallow and stupid. Essex is a large county geographically and this lion sighting is approximately and hour and a half away from the location where TOWIE is filmed. It is my view that the stupidity here largely lies with the people who think a scripted show is an accurate portrayal of reality, and think this justifies them in making sweeping assumptions about every resident of an entire county.- Michelle, Essex

No of course Essex folk are not stupid! They just don't know the difference between an inference and an implication.
But this witness quote proves that it's really all nonsense:

I was sitting with my wife in the front room playing backgammon at around 10pm when I heard this very loud roar.

Because surely nobody in Essex plays backgammon?

And that's the funniest thing about the whole episode. Because, in spite of all the melodrama on Twitter and the news media and the three @EssexLion Twitter accounts that have appeared, it will surely all prove to be a mixture of wind up and hot air.

Carol Vorderman is the latest celebrity to jump on the twitter bullying bandwagon

Carol claims to have been the target of "vile" abuse on Twitter by "vicious" internet "trolls"

The following are samples of the kind of "abuse" to which poor Carol has been subjected:

Why did Carol Vorderman stop becoming hot? When I was at uni she was lovely, now she looks like one of those women on grab a granny nights.

and:

Life is too short to hate, but there is always time to hate Carol Vorderman.

Now I've always liked Carol. I used to follow her on Twitter myself but I had to stop because of her endless retweeting of "good causes" requests and her misplaced support for the Red Bull Formula One team.

I can't help the feeling that her "abuse" complaint is really just a desperate plea for some publicity - any publicity. Must be a shortage of red carpet events for her to attend. Or maybe the awful Loose Women programme is off air and she hasn't got enough to do.

The real victims of Twitter abuse and bullying

If the police were involved in 14000 investigations of Facebook content last year, then the public are the real victims because the police were not able to concentrate on more serious crime.
Of course everybody was horrified at the remarks made to Tom Daley on the now closed Twitter account Rileyy_69. But it really just amounted to one person being unnecessarily horrible to another.
The perpetrator has been arrested and charged under the Malicious Communications Act 1988 which deals with the sending of messages which are indecent, grossly offensive, false or conveying a threat. And for the life of me I cannot see which part of that applies in this case. Okay it was offensive, but certainly not grossly so. And I don't think that it would be practical to try to define in legal terms the level of the offense caused. It was rather childishly rude in fact, the kind of thing that might be said in a school playground. You cannot and should not ask the police to intervene just because your feelings get hurt.
Besides I firmly believe that if someone puts himself in the public arena in whatever field of endeavour and expects the benefits of public appreciation then he must also be prepared to accept the opposite however hurtful.
Admittedly Tom Daley did not complain to the police himself so my remarks are directed towards the nannies and professional complainers who took it upon themselves to involve the heavy handed minions of the law.
Personally I am not prepared to desist from using my Twitter account to criticise the antics and appearance of ungainly Strictly Come Dancing contestants or from saying that Red Bull have been cheating in Formula One. So I shall be expecting a knock on my door at stupid o' clock the next morning.