I have an idea to save some of the costs of the Olympic ceremonies

I have a cunning plan. The only snag is that the Elf and Safety jobsworths would have to be told where to go. Apparently this lovely replica Greek trireme (similar to the above) has been excluded from the part of the opening ceremony on the Thames because it might be too popular and cause crowd problems on the bridges and embankments. Yes I'll bet it would. A lot cheaper than the poncey and cringemaking dancing too.

The flaming torch could be carried on the vessel up to the ship lock at Limehouse and there a small dinghy could be launched which would carry the torch bearer along the River Lee navigation right onto the very doorstep of the Olympic stadium.

And then to thew closing ceremony which is where my cunning plan truly excels. This time seats and vantage points could be sold to the huge numbers of people requiring advantageous viewing of this once in a lifetime spectacle.

Just picture this: the trireme is towed back upstream and, on passing HMS Belfast, the Navy is given some gunnery practice by firing a couple of rounds at it and sending it to the bottom of the river in splinters.

I'd pay to see that and I'm sure thousands more would. Also there would be no costs involved in returning the old rowing boat to Greece. Nor could they charge us for it because they owe us so much for bailing them out of their Euro mess.

Brilliant or what?